I got lost in the world. I thought sex was love. To have never experienced love that is all I knew. The way the guys looked at me, licking their lips imagining being with me. The way they argued amongst each other over who was going to approach me. The way they talked to each other about my hips, my thighs, and my breast like I was nothing. And that’s exactly what I thought I was…nothing.
Sexual purity. Yeah I knew that but living in a society in which they glamourize sex made it seem as if being pure was a joke. I gave myself away. All of it. Because I thought he loved me. He told me he loved me and I thought it was true. Maybe I thought the way I did because my daddy never loved me. Since I lacked in that area I thought that being loved by another man could take the place of the love I never experienced from my father.
I hated myself and I hated God too. I was miserable because people only liked me because of the way I looked. I asked God why. Why does no one love me? Why was I given this life? When I engaged in the world I was giving myself away to this man and that man. The way they catered to me as if I was someone was thrilling for me and the only thing I was really missing was God. God, the Father that I hated so much. The One that I ignored. The One that I thought didn’t love me because He left me alone and to hurt. Never did I know that He was right beside me through it all even when I was giving myself away. I had to realize that being so encompassed in the world was a sin itself. Not that I cared much; I thought I didn’t belong in heaven anyway. But in the midst of my earthly sins, God spoke to me. I kept hearing loose. Being that I wasn’t into church like that I didn’t know exactly what it meant but I kept hearing it every time I decided to engulf myself into the world. LOOSE. I didn’t realize that God was getting ready to loose me from my sins. Now see it doesn’t matter if you have given yourself away because God forgives. You may have been with numerous people but that does not mean you cannot be pure from this moment on. Jesus said, “Though your sins are like scarlet, They shall be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They shall be as wool (Isaiah 1:18).” Sexual purity gives you the chance to improve yourself but before you do that you must let your flesh die. Giving into the things of this world and trying to live a pure life cannot coexist. No one said it would be easy but trust in the LORD and He will bring you through.
*This is what was given to me by the Holy Spirit to discuss for those that has had previous sexual experiences.
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